I Alone Am Not Myself
But only in and with you am I myself
What does original sin mean when we interpret it correctly? We receive our lives not only at the moment of birth but every day from without, from others who are not ourselves but who nonetheless somehow pertain to us. Human beings live in those who they love and those who love them and to whom they are present. Human beings are relational and they possess their lives themselves only by way of relationship; I alone am not myself but only in and with you am I myself. To be truly a human being means to be related in love, to be of and for. But sin means the damaging or destruction of relationality. Sin is loss of relationship. When I destroy a relationship, then through this event, sin touches the other person involved in the relationship. Consequently sin is always an offence that touches others, that alters the world and damages it. At the very moment that a person begins human existence which is a good, he/she is confronted by a sin-damaged world. Each of us enters into a situation in which relationality has been hurt. Consequently, each person is from the very start damaged in relationships and does not engage in them as he/she ought. Sin pursues the human being and he/she capitulates to it. (Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI)
Introduction
The default position of the modern man — honour seeking. We want to be admired and praised. Social media is our aid. We post attractive photographs of ourselves dressed up to the nines, engaging in all sorts of worldly activities. We do so to elicit admiration and envy from our peers. And by doing so, we feel that we have defined our own personalities — successful, admirable and desirable.
In a way, we are trapped in a misinterpretation of personhood. We believe that we are defined by our jobs, looks, possessions, wealth, power and status. But this far from the truth. In reference to the quote above, Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI stated accurately that we are only ourselves in our relationships with others.
Man is formed in the image of God and God himself is a relationship (i.e. the Holy Trinity — Father, Son and Holy Spirit). Hence, man can be defined only by his relationship with God and his neighbours; And it is not a competitive relationship but a loving one.
Hence the questions to ask when we contemplate our personhood are not:
- Am I more beautiful than others?
- Am I more talented than others?
- Am I wealthier than others?
- Am I more successful than others in my career?
But rather, the correct questions are:
- What is the quality of my relationship with others? Am I a loving person?
- What is the quality of my relationship with God? Am I doing God’s will?
When we ask the correct questions, we gain a better understanding of God’s direction for us in our lives. This is the way that we live out our dignity as children of God.
“Just as a human body, though it is made up of many parts, is a single unit because of these parts, though many, make one body, so it is with Christ. In the one Spirit we were all baptised, Jews as well as Greeks, slaves as well as citizens, and one Spirit was given to us all to drink.
What is more, it is precisely the parts of the body that seem to be the weakest which are the indispensable ones; and it is the least honourable parts of the body that we clothes with the greatest care. So our more improper parts are decorated in a way that our more proper parts do not need. God has arranged the body so that more dignity is given to the parts that are without it, and so that there may not be disagreements inside the body, but that each part may be equally concerned for all the others. If one part is hurt, all parts are hurt with it. If one part is given special honour, all parts enjoy it.” (1 Corinthians 12: 12–13, 22–26)
You are part of me
The whole concept of solidarity is very much lacking in modern society. So much so that many of us lack the capacity to understand it in its full richness.
In our society, we tend to separate people into victims and perpetrators, winners and losers.
In fact, let us consider the way our judicial system is structured. If a person is found guilty of murder, he is typically arrested and put in prison. Sometimes, he is put on death row.
If we take the analogy of the body, our society currently deals with the most ‘injured’ members of the body by cordoning them off from the rest of the body to preventing them from hurting the other members of the body.
But is this really the will of God?
Imagine that your feet are riddled with disease, will your first instinct be to amputate them? Not at all. The first instinct would be to nurse them back to health.
In fact, it is true that the diseased parts of the body require greatest care. Like in the case of a diabetic patient with poor blood circulation to his feet, great care is given to provide the right foot wear and to prescribe the right type and amount exercise to the patient.
Similarly, when we deal with the ‘broken’ members of our society, our aim is not to label them as ‘losers’ or ‘perpetrators’ and to isolate them from others. Our purpose of isolating them from others (for a time) is to give them safe space (i.e. like a hospital) where they can be slowly loved back into health.
This is why those in the prison ministries are given extra merit for their ministry. Instead of condemnation, they bring God’s love to the prisoners. God’s transformative love heals the hearts of the inmates and prepare them to reenter society as loving and responsible individuals.
Keep in mind those who are in prison, as though you were in prison with them; and those who are badly treated, since you too are in the one body. (Hebrews 13: 3)
Our Families
There is always a ‘black sheep’ in every family. The member that has become so ‘broken’ that he/she inflicts pain on the rest of the family. The natural inclination is to block that person off. We put him/her into an mental prison and avoid emotional connection at all cost. We do so to protect ourselves.
Truth be told, this is exactly how familiar bonds begin to degenerate. Even within the ‘good circle’ distrust begins to take root.
It is akin to a body walking around with an injured foot which none of the other body parts wish to tend to. The rest of the body may seem healthy but every one is hurting.
Therefore, no matter how difficult it may be, it is very important to love the ‘black sheep’ back into the health.
Start by changing your inner disposition — he/she is not a ‘black sheep’. He/she is just an injured part of my body that needs extra tender loving care.
You may soon discover that when even a little headway is gained in healing the most injured part of your body, all other parts of your body rejoices. So every effort taken to engage your ‘black sheep’ counts. Though it will be difficult, the effort is well worth it!
Finally, it is always important to rely on the strength of God to forgive and to love others unconditionally. Do not be afraid to take a risk, when you do his will, God will protect you.
Then Jesus said to his disciples, ‘If anyone wants to be a follower of mine, let him renounce himself and take up his cross and follow me. For anyone who wants to save his life will lose it; but anyone who loses his life for my sake will find it. (Matthew 16:24–25)
Consequently, each person is from the very start damaged in relationships and does not engage in them as he/she ought. Sin pursues the human being and he/she capitulates to it. (Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI)
Conclusion
Have you ever been in a relationship where everything is going so well. You trust the person a 100% and the person returns that trust. The intensity of the emotional connection is so strong that you find it destabilising.
Days go by and mistrust creeps in; You start to doubt if that the relationship was ever true. You bring to mind all your past broken relationships and convince yourself that the beauty of the connection was but an illusion. Without any new cause, you begin to construct a wall to protect yourself from that person.
That, my reader, is exactly what Pope Benedict meant when he said: “Each person is from the very start damaged in relationships and does not engage in them as he/she ought.”
What shall we take home from this understanding? That we are fighting a losing battle and we should just capitulate? Not at all. The take home message is this:
That beautiful moment was real. You really did connect to the other person profoundly for that moment. And in that love, your personhood was realised perfectly. This is the ideal that you ought to strive towards everyday and the ideal that we will all attain one day in heaven when we share that same connection with the Saints and with God.
God Bless!
