The Five Stages of Overcoming Sin
A Journey to Sainthood
Our Father in heaven,
may your name be held Holy,
your kingdom come,
your will be done,
on earth as in heaven.
Give us today our daily bread.
And forgive us our debts,
as we have forgiven those who are in debt to us.
And do not put us to the test
but save us from the evil one.
The Lord’s Prayer (Matthew 6:10–13)
Introduction:
On the start of my journey into Christianity, I often pondered, “What exactly is God’s will?” and “What must we do to be in conformity to God’s will?”.
After years on the journey, I realised the following:
- Being in conformity to God’s will is to become the version of ourselves that God has intended us to be. It is not doing a set of actions but becoming transfigured into a person who has the correct inner disposition of love.
- While God’s will may seem illusive in some contexts (e.g. Is it God’s will that I become a doctor?), there are some areas where God’s will is very clear (i.e. Avoid Sin, Embrace Virtues). Working on the latter will help us become the versions of ourselves that God has created us to be.
- Prayer is not about changing God’s heart. God is immutable. Prayer is about changing our own hearts and aligning them to the will of God (i.e. love).
I have written this short piece to guide you (and to remind myself) of the steps needed to overcome sin and to become conformed to the will of God. To illustrate the point, I have used a common area of addiction (i.e. pornography).
Overcoming Pornography Addiction
Firstly, nobody is born with pornography addiction. They acquire it along their life spans. Some are exposed to pornography at a young age (e.g. accidental exposure to adult usage), some are exposed at a older age (e.g. I am adult now so it is normal and expected that I consume pornography).
Indeed, I have come across a multitude of articles commenting on the ubiquity of pornography usage. The key point these articles want to communicate is this — EVERYBODY WATCHES PORN. It is not sinful and it does not hurt one’s character or soul.
This is far from the truth. Firstly, not everybody watches porn. Secondly, pornography is very hurtful to your soul. When you get married, and want to experience perfect union with your spouse, you will discover that your years of pornography usage now stands in the way.
The longer you are exposed to pornography, the more depraved your thoughts become. With this kind of inner disposition, you will never be able to experience union with spouse and/or God.
At this point, the temptation is to seek more and more depraved pornography to get the same ‘high’. But please resist. This is clearly a trap from the devil and follows the pattern of addiction (i.e. like drug addicts needing higher doses of drugs to achieve the same pleasure).
Instead of progressing left towards greater depravity, your aim is to progress right towards godliness. (I am eluding to a simple linear chart — no political references intended)
The more godly you become, the greater pleasure you will derive from the marriage act and from prayer.
So let us jump right into the means of accomplishing the act of purification:
Stage 1: No knowledge that the act is sinful
Stage 1 is the stage where there is genuinely no knowledge that the act is sinful. In the case of pornography use, it could happen that the person is brought up in a family environment where pornography usage is common and upon entry into adolescence, he begins to acquire the habit himself thinking that it is a rite of passage.
At this stage, there is no guilt. If a person remains at this stage, his conscience will not condemn him.
Stage 2: The act is sinful but acceptable
Nonetheless, the person will gradually progress into stage 2 where he starts to realise that his consumption of pornography is affecting the way he interacts with the opposite gender. This impedes his relationships and he is hit with a nagging sense of guilt after each ‘exposure’.
However, he is not keen to kick the bad habit. Instead, he rationalises it with thoughts like — “Everyone uses porn. It can’t be that bad. I am just being a man.”
In a way, Stage 2 corresponds very much to stage 1 of the five stages of grief (i.e. denial). At this stage, the conscience (e.g. Holy Spirit) has already started its work on the person.
Stage 3: The act is sinful and unacceptable — I want to overcome it
At this stage, the person finally has the courage to look at the sin in it’s eye and say that “You are bad. I don’t want you anymore.”.
However, due to long years of use, he has already developed an addiction to pornography. It is part of his daily routine and coping mechanism to deal with life stressors.
This is the stage where the person has to call upon the Lord’s help even if he cannot stop using pornography at once. At this stage, joining a support group or receiving counselling will help greatly.
Stage 4: I am no longer doing the act but I still find it very attractive
After some months (or years) of actively resisting the sin, it is possible that the person no longer consumes pornography. His life returns to normal and he interacts well with the opposite gender.
However, if he accidentally stumbles upon pornography material while surfing the internet, he will still find it attractive and find it hard to look away.
Most people remain at this stage for the rest of their lives. And as long as they do, they will remain ‘addicted’ to the sin. For them, it is critical to avoid any unexpected exposure to pornography lest they ‘relapse’ and fall back into sin.
I do pity people at this stage as it becomes difficult for them to leave the house or browse the internet without facing temptation. There is indeed an onslaught of over-sexualised images in our modern world.
Also, in their constant battle to overcome temptation, they become very tired and sometimes find it hard to heed the voice of God. Their souls are not yet perfected.
There is why I urge people to desire to reach stage 5.
Stage 5: I no longer find the act attractive
At stage 5, something supernatural happens and God removes all desire for pornography from the person. Not only does he not actively seek out pornography, even if there is accidental exposure, he is not tempted by it but instead feels a deep sense of sympathy for the actors involved.
This is the stage where God helps the person to overcome concupiscence to the extent that he is in complete conformity to God’s will. This is the stage where one is best able to hear the voice of God and to experience union in prayer.
At this stage, one might experience what St. Teresa of Avila experienced — The inability to pray anything contrary to the will of God.
Many saints have tried many methods to achieve this stage but the most commonly used ones are mortification, self-denial and prayer in solitude.
Other Examples
I have come up with two other examples using the 5 stages of overcoming sin.
The Sin of Avarice
Stage 1: I like things and I want them in excess. I genuinely don’t see anything wrong with that.
Stage 2: I like things and this desire is starting to mess with my life and my relationship with God. I am so busy working that I have no time to pray or to spend with my family. But this is life isn’t it? Everyone needs to go through this. At least I will have some money to bring my children on an expensive holiday at the end of the year.
Stage 3: I like things and I keep buying things that I do not need. I work super hard to earn the money and then spend it on buying things I do not need. I feel drained and helpless. I want to stop desiring all these things but when I am stressed, I must shop. I can’t stop myself. God, please help me overcome it.
Stage 4: I like things but no longer things in excess. I just want to have enough. I now have exactly what I need and shop only when my things are damaged beyond repair. I have a less stressful job now and plenty of time for my family and God. However, sometimes, when I see other women with beautiful things, I still get tempted to shop unnecessarily and when I do, I feel a sense of thrill and pleasure.
Stage 5: True detachment — I no longer like things. I shop begrudgingly to make sure that I have enough to survive and to sustain my family. When I am stressed, I turn to God and my family and friends for comfort. No material object can tempt me anymore. All these ‘beautiful things’ are lies from the devil.
The Sin of Pride
Stage 1: I am proud of my beauty, education and social status. You should be happy that someone as high and mighty as me is willing to be your friend.
Stage 2: I am starting to feel lonely. My pride seems to be costing me a good deal of friendships. But well, perhaps they are just not good enough for me. I will find other people who are as talented and capable as me to be my friends.
Stage 3: All my friends are proud and superficial like me. I feel very lonely and unloved. I want to overcome my pride but I when I am stripped of my beauty, education and social status, what is left of my identity? Will I still be attractive to others? I am afraid. Therefore, I will still dress up, boast about my achievements but attempt to befriend those below my station (because somehow they make better friends).
Stage 4: I have many simple friends now and I am one of them. I am no longer so concerned about my outward appearances. I do not feel a need to boast about my achievements. However, when I meet others who are talented and beautiful, I am tempted to drag out my past achievements to impress them. I am not entirely comfortable with my present self.
Stage 5: I am a simple person without any notable achievements. In fact, I am a sinner but God has been gracious with me. Everything that is good in me comes from our Lord so there is nothing to boast about. My past self is dead to me. My friends love me for who I am now, although I am still far from perfect. Most importantly, even though I am so wretched, God still loves me. That is enough for me.
Conclusion
I believe that it is God’s will that all of us begin our journey to perfection and to overcome all our sins.
The more in conformity we are to God’s will, the happier we will be. And it not the fleeting happiness that comes from material things and sinful pleasures. It is a true, lasting infused joy.
Let’s aim for perfection and true joy.
God Bless!
“Alas, daughter, how few there are with truthfully love me! For if they loved me, I would reveal to them my secrets. Do you know what it is to love Me truthfully? It is to understand that everything that is displeasing to me is a lie. By the beneficial effects this understanding will cause in your soul you shall see clearly what you now do not understand.” (St. Teresa of Avila, The Book of Her Life)
