The Not so Gentle Waltz between the Narcissist and the Borderline

A dramatic life

Denise Thong
9 min readMay 10, 2021
Source: Gemma Chua-Tran from


In my work as a mental health counsellor, I have noticed that many people including the patients themselves do not understand what Narcissistic and Borderline Personality Disorders entail.

Some authors and practitioners blacklist these categories of clients rendering them untreatable or better left alone.

Yet, from my experience, I have realised that these clients are not too different from those with depression and anxiety, they just need a proper scaffold to be understood.

Hence, I have made a feeble attempt to combine attachment theory with aspects of Dialectical Behavioural Therapy (DBT) to explain their condition(s) to them and to come up with treatment plans that will best improve their quality of life in the shortest possible time*.

*To clarify, long-term therapy is still needed but it is humane to ameliorate distress as quickly as possible.

The Narcissist and Borderline’s Common Dream

Yes, most counsellors would already know this — the Borderline and Narcissist have a common dream or more accurately put — a common world view. To be more specific, both have an idealised…



Denise Thong

Counsellor, Writer (Christianity, Children’s short stories)